Stalking Alton, Part One: The Trek To Tyson's

Each of the Food Network hosts attracts a certain type of fan. There are the housewives who think Tyler Florence is hot, the couples who find Emeril's "Bam!"s and "Another Notch!"es zany and enthusiastic rather than phoned-in and phony. And there are those who can manage to get past Rachel Ray's saccharine and excessive use of the term "E.V.O.O." to enjoy her quick-and-easy recipes.

"Good Eats" host Alton Brown doesn't attract fans. He attracts disciples.

You know the type: they tape his episodes and have the remote control at the ready as they prepare their turkey on Thanksgiving, ready to pause as Alton guides them on temperature, amount of time and amount of thyme. They ONLY use kosher salt when cooking, and proudly display theirs in an Alton-inspired vessel. When their kid is suffering from a fever, their digital meat probe's probably more at the ready than a normal thermometer.

Those disciples—1100 of them, in fact, according to one employee—were out in droves Tuesday evening, as Alton appeared at the Border's at Tyson's Corner in Vienna to promote his new book, "I'm Just Here For More Food." And I was one of them.

By the time my friend and I fought traffic and arrived at the store, the place was mobbed with those eager to worship at the altar of Alton. Fans clutched books, aprons and, in my case, that ubiquitous kosher salt container, hoping for an autograph. So many people were there, in fact, that we came in at number 600 or so, and were given the devastating news: we wouldn't hear the Good-Eats-guru speak (numbers were past the fire-hazard mark) and couldn't be guaranteed a chance to get our merchandise signed, either. Discouraged, we were about to head home when our fortunes changed. Thanks to a little stealth (and a lot of luck), we managed to use a well-timed trip to the upstairs restroom to disappear into the crowd of Good-Eats-groupies.

Wary of zealous Borders employees, we did our best to blend in quickly with the mob of fans. It wasn't hard - it was a diverse group. There was the family of four, all devoted fans, with a young son who'd dedicated his elementary school science project to the Three Chips For Sister Marsha episode. There were teenagers perched on top of Borders' wooden shelves, hoping to get a better glance at AB (my 6-foot+ friend took that route as well, lost his balance and managed to take a shelf and a large stack of books on tape down with him in the process).

All of us smushed together to hang on Alton's every word, and he didn't disappoint. He shared with us pearls of wisdom ("I never knew anybody who got anywhere great by playing it safe"), and told us of the pride he's earned teaching basic science to fans old and young. He promised that he hadn't let fame go to his head ("Seeing this crowd, that ends tonight!" he amended. "No more being humble; I'm the man!").

Curious fans learned his favorite meat (lamb), his dream Iron-Chef matchup ("Ronald MacDonald and Julia Child's corpse - no, that'd be the secret ingredient!" he proclaimed, drawing groans) and his motorcycle brand of choice (he's a self-proclaimed "BMW man.").

Alton talked about his new "sweet gig" hosting Iron Chef America, and the challenge he's found in cramming as much food knowledge as possible into his head to prepare for an episode. He dreads learning the Japanese pronunciations and obscure facts that come into play when chefs like Morimoto take the stage ("I'm on a show where I devote an entire episode to making meatloaf, and here comes Morimoto with his 15 cartons of kelp"). His goal is to match illustrious chefs with less-than-illustrious ingredients - like vienna sausages ("These guys think it's pocket-full-of-truffles. They're gonna have to get down and dirty with the Beenie Weenies!"). And he shared with us his latest project - a two-hour Food Network special where he'll ride (on motorcyle, of course) from Chicago to LA on Route 66 in search of authentic American road food.

Alton was ready and willing to chat with fans, answer questions afterwards and sign anything except "furbid quadrupeds" (apparently the man had a bad experience with a gerbil at a signing...). Unfortunately, my friend and I didn't get a chance to chat with Alton personally. On the bright side, this means when we follow him to Charm City tomorrow, he won't recognize us for the stalkers that we are.

Catch Alton tonight at the B&N in Baltimore, 8123 Honeygo Blvd, at 7:30 p.m.