Chicken magnate Frank Perdue has gone to that great concentrated feedlot operation in the sky. The first person to sell brand-name chicken, Frank was part of a strange phenomenon in American culture until his retirement in 1991: The old man as innocuous corporate mascot.
Right alongside the Brooke Shieldses and Cindy Crawfords and Fabios of yesteryear stood the geezer-barons of food commerce: Perdue, Orville Redenbacher, Dave Thomas of Wendy’s and the Bartyles and James wine cooler guys. Sure, they represented big, evil corporations that sold chemically-processed tripe we wouldn’t get near if we had any idea how it was made (except maybe for the popcorn) but they did it in such an amiable, doddering way that one had to fight off the urge to buy the product simply to humor them.
But alas, the food spokesmen of today are a different breed entirely: The Arby’s oven mitt and the annoying Quizno’s baby show a culture now obsessed with condescending to youth instead of condescending to the elderly. Where did we go astray?
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01Apr
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01Apr
Rigatoni Rigatoni is by far the superior pasta shape for hearty sauces. A meat sauce is great because you can scoop up the sauce into the pasta. Very simple tubular design, so it’s aesthetics are pleasing to the minimalist. Perfect to snack on as well. San Giorgio has many small grooves along the pasta, making its texture much more pleasant than the Barilla brand with the wide grooves. A+ 
Rotini Second only to rigatoni, rotini’s spiral shape makes it an ideal sauce conveyor as well. The absence of the scooping factor makes it slightly inferior, but again it is easy and fun to snack on. Rotini is good for cream sauces and pasta salads in a way that rigatoni is not, because it won’t cause the sauce to bubble out unexpectedly. Its design is fun, but a bit too complex to be regarded entirely as food. B+ 
Angel Hair One of the weakest pasta choices. The chunky tomato sauces that I prefer don’t stick to it well, and unless cooked precisely right it becomes a sticky mass of ugly noodles. It looks like intestines. C – 
Macaroni The poor white trash of the pasta family. Does it get any more boring than macaroni? Yankee Doodle was the best use of this pasta. Sure the ubiquitous cheese can be served just fine with this pasta, but other than being a college pantry staple, macaroni is a disgrace to the pasta family. D+ 
Farfelle Vulgarized as “bow ties” this pasta is the most attractive to the eye. Who can resist a pasta salad made with farfelle? These butterflies are great in a chunky sauce with sausage. B Reposted by MF, guest Blogger
