Saturday I crossed final hurdle (aside from actually getting accepted) between me and grad school. I took the GREs. It was a horrendous experience, and left me wound up enough to rival most springs. I needed a stress relief. And being a Baltimorean, there is only one stress relief that would do the trick. I needed to whack crabs.
Baltimore is justifiably famous for its crabs, though the pollution in the Chesapeake Bay means they are now imported from further up north. Nonetheless, crab cakes, crab-shaped hats, and shirts saying “Got Crabs?” (a rather fun slogan, as Baltimore was once the STD capital of the US) can be found in plenty in the touristy areas. Hence, it was little surprise that Saturday night found me at Obrycki’s, a pleasant joint near the waterfront. There presumably are things to order at Obrycki’s other then crabs. However, the only evidence is the menu since every table in site boasts only the world’s finest crustacean.
You order a pound or so. They show up, whole and ready to be smashed. You spend the next hour smashing and crushing and sucking your way through a bucket full, while the crab debris piles up on the table. This is a tasty meal, though not amazingly so. It is a loud meal. But what it mostly is, is a fun meal. You sit around crunching crab bits and scrambling to get out the last bit of meat, while bone and bits go everywhere. By the end of the night I was feeling relaxed and zen. And not the least bit crabby.
Please note: while crab restaurants are fun, I do not recommend you go there on a date, as: 1. you tend to not be a pleasantest good night kiss at the end due to scent and breath 2. Your enthusiasm in smashing the crab may lead your date to worry about your anger management problems, and 3. if the site of you trying to suck the last bit of meat out a crab claw does not turn your date off, the site of them doing this will certainly make you consider other options.
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11Dec
One Response
Whoa! You don’t smash crabs. You pick them: Break off the legs and fins (including the joint at the body). Remove meat at joint. Then, snap the legs (at the fat end) and suck the meat out. Break off the claws (again, include the joint at body) – set aside. Use the point of one of the legs to remove the breastplate. Put your thumb in one of the fin sockets and remove outer shell with other hand. Clean inside with knife or crab part – discard anything you don’t care to eat (many consider the “mustard” to be a delicacy). Break in half with hands. Break the halves in half as well. At this point you should be able to remove tablespoon size lumps of backfin meat with your hands. Use a paring knife to remove hard to get pieces and/or break section again. If you did an expert job, your shells should be clean as a whistle. Now the claws. Open until they break in half at the joint. The half with the pinchers can be brockets by pulling back the pincher until it breaks. If done correctly, all the meat from this half of the claw will come out in one piece. NOW get your mallet and CRACK (not smash) the half of the claw that was closest to the body. Then break with hands and meat will come out in one piece. You can also use the mallet to crack to the pincher half if pulling the pincher back didn’t work. A well picked crab will yeild twice the meat as a poorly picked one. There should be nothing but shell (and lung) left on the table.
In theory, you need only pick up your mallet twice per crab: to crack the inner half of the two claws.