By Guest Blogger Andrew Kohn.
Every great man needs a personal mission in life. Jason sailed the open seas looking for Greek drama. Fievel searched a new country in the hopes of finding his lost family – just one little mouse out to conquer the world. And Bill and Ted went through time in search of a better grade and, in the process, found themselves. These journeys weren’t easy, but in the end, these men came out on top, better for the experience, true role models for future generations. My search, just as important, is to find the ultimate Buffalo wing.
I’ve come to one wonderful, unnerving, and momentous conclusion – the perfect wing is in the eye of the beholder. Over the past two weeks, I’ve eaten at six establishments known for their wings. Now, I know there are secret places throughout the region that produce incredible products; if, however, I want to find the best, I’ll start with what “experts” have determined as such. This was only phase one of my journey – the initial landing in the New World – and to be sure, I will continue this quest until the day I die – either of old age or kidney failure.
The criterion is easy – who had the best sauce, meat, and heat. To be clear, I’m in search of the perfect Buffalo wing. I know there are wonderful restaurants that create delicious dishes with chicken wings in all sorts of awkward and beautiful scenarios. I met some of them head on. My prey, however, on this hunt are the red sauced, fiery hot, blue cheese dipping, Buffalo wings. That wonderful export from a town with very little else going for it – they are the perfect snack food, appetizer, or main event.
Just as Christopher Columbus had unknown sailors directing operations on the Nina, Pinta, or Santa Maria, I relied on my co-captains to help me stay on course. And just like those captains, history shall not remember their names but simply refer to them as Frat Boy and Gay – a martini drinker and a kegger; they represent all spectrums of my real America.
Without further ado, let’s get to the ratings:
The first stop:
Uno Chicago Grill and Bar in Union Station. This was the base line. Also, a back up as Wingmasters in the cafeteria has closed down. These wings were traditional, not very meaty, and salty. Avoid the “Wowza” sauce unless you like a combination fruit leather/cocktail sauce concoction that is probably very popular somewhere other than the D.C. region. I drank a Sam Adams.
On to: Austin Grill in Gallery Place. These wings weren’t traditional, covered in a dry rub and grilled. The meat was the best we’ve tasted thus far on our journey. But these weren’t Buffalo wings. And, while I can appreciate a different wing when it owns its uniqueness, served with a hot chipotle mango sauce or something, you can’t just give me ranch dressing! You played your hand with the ranch Austin Grill, attempting to walk the fine line between traditional and quirky. Dump the ranch and find a good sauce (and while you’re at it, a new salsa recipe for your chips!) I drank a Shiner or two
Now the traditional: Hooters in Gallery Place. My initial question – when did women and families start eating at Hooters? It’s a real downer on the atmosphere. And Frat Boy wasn’t pleased either! These wings were breaded and covered in a “3 Mile Island” sauce. I hope the radiation from a nuclear meltdown is this bearable. These wings tasted like they were bad for you – a piece of fried chicken covered in hot sauce. And the vinegar hints were over-whelming. My final question – when did I start having to pay for blue cheese and celery? I drank more Sam Adams.
For the gay and gay-friendly: Nellies on U Street. These were breaded and had a lovely texture. They also tasted a tad buttery – not a bad thing, just unexpected. The breading was borderline mushy at times, but the sauce was nice and without a hint of salt. I drank a gin and tonic.
For the editors: Hard Times Café in College Park. These “original Texas” wings by description weren’t Buffalo-like. The presentation was the best we’d seen and the chili powder sprinkled on top gave some nice extra heat. There was a distinct sourness to them that was considered welcomed by some and not so nice by others. They were big and meaty, but a little tough. I drank a Magic Hat.
And the winner: Buffalo Wild Wings in College Park. This is a national chain making its way into the region. From its window you can see the IKEA and its meatballs beckoning you like a siren – fight back I tell you! These wings were hot, juicy, and not a bit salty. There are fourteen flavors of sauce to chose from- “wild” is hot with a salty taste and “blazing” just ridiculous – stick with the traditional “hot” and you’ll be in heaven. There are also thirty beers on tap. Leave it to a chain that specifically cooks Buffalo wings to create the best. I drank a New Castle and a Killians.
The results thus far, are not surprising. But now it’s time to delve deeper into the Buffalo wing underbelly of D.C. and find those hidden gems that would make Anthony Bourdain stand up and take notice. Out of pure principle, we can’t have a chain take the ultimate title so it’s time grab a wet-nap and hit the streets once more…

I have a friend that lives in Largo…and he often tries to get us (his friends) to come out to him. He’s cool and all…but it’s Largo! Ok…yell and scream at me! I should want to take an hour metro to PG County from Arlington and wait for him to pick me up there? Not so much. 🙂
Then we found Irie Cafe, a small Jamaican restaurant. He says “want to come to Largo?” and I respond with “curry goat?”
Can’t beat curry goat (with cabbage and rice n’ peas), coco bread, and a sorrel drink. the goat is flavorful, and tastes great covered in hot sauce (ok, that may just be me).
Ok, the sorrel is probably an aquired taste; it is like herbal fruit punch. They also have pine/ginger, Irish moss (really?), peanut punch (um, really?), and cucumber (well, it is in V8) drinks. 😉
My friends favor the jerk chicken and oxtail. They also have beef, veggie, or chicken patties, and various fish dishes, but I have yet to try them. The curry goat always draws me in.
Irie Cafe
881A Capital Centre Blvd
Largo, MD 20774
(301) 499-4743

Not even three weeks into the new year, and I already have a serious contender for the highly-uncoveted title of “Worst Restaurant Meal of 2009.” If this meal had taken place in 2008, it would have won like Usain Bolt. If I’d had this meal in 2007, it would have won like Barbaro in the `06 Kentucky Derby. Only a couple of burnt hamburgers-slash-hockey pucks in Des Moines and a ridiculously spoiled swordfish fillet on undercooked linguine in Baltimore’s Little Italy keep this debacle out of the “Worst Restaurant Meal of the Double-Aughts” status. And here’s the kicker – it started off fine but, man, how it proceeded… nothing less than a sin against all that is holy and deep-fried. I shall explain.
A shopping trip in the Virginia `burbs with a friend ran much later than expected, and the Vietnamese place we wanted to try had long closed by the time we walked into the frigid air. Hungry and cold, we settled on a nearby local chain, Glory Days Grill, figuring a warm meal in a lively atmosphere would help lift our spirits. I’ve had decent salads from there before, so it seemed like a good idea. The menu is nothing fancy – standard bar grub but with a Chesapeake twist – Old Bay seasoned wings and real Maryland crab cakes are a nice touch – and with local professional and amateur sports teams’ paraphernalia on the walls, proves that this is a restaurant based here and focusing on here.
Much like “Wedding Crashers,” the meal began promisingly enough. A cup of clam chowder was filled with plenty of fresh seafood and seasoned correctly. But remember that breakfast scene with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, and the movie seemed to lose a lot of steam? Well, the same thing happened with this meal, except much earlier in the film. The appetizer was the breakfast scene, with no Will Ferrell around to save the meal from disaster.
Now, as a rule, it’s hard to botch fries. Les Pommes Frites are about as common and simple of a food as can be found. Cut the potato in to strips. Fry the potato strips. Drain. Serve. Boom. Done. If you’re feeling zany, bake them. Bread them. Make them curly and season them. Bury them in gravy, or cheese, or go crazy like the Quebecois and use both and call it poutine. Just don’t serve them how I got them Friday night – apparently marinated in salt, cooked in salt, coated in salt, and then, for good measure, add salt. I used to bartend at a margarita joint, and we had boxes of sea salt that we used to rim the glasses. A prankster co-worker poured about a cup of sea salt into my Starbucks one day, and that wasn’t as salty as these fries. I now know what a deer feels like during hunting season. I have tasted the salt lick, now, where are the guys in camouflage jackets and bright orange hats?
Sadly, our entrees were equally salty. My friend’s chili mac made her mouth pucker as the saline sucked the moisture from her skin. My chicken sandwich was ridiculously overseasoned, and I might be mistaken as the sodium-induced dehydration is affecting my short-term memory, but my side dish may very well have been the Bonneville Salt Flats. When the server asked if we wanted dessert, one thought permeated my mind – I normally love Teaism’s delicious Salty Oat Cookies, but I had one right now, I would have an aneurysm. Seven hours later, and nearly half-a-gallon of water later, I still might. We skipped dessert, much like the arrhythmia is doing to my heartbeat.
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Glory Days gets 2 Whammies! out of a possible 8. The clam chowder was certainly acceptable, and the server was fairly snappy with refilling our water glasses. However, between the two of us, there are 8 chambers of our two hearts that now need replacing. No one should ever have this conversation after a meal – “My heart hurts.” “Yeah, mine too. Know a good cardiologist?”
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Glory Days Grill
Lots of locations in the region, many of them conveniently located near emergency rooms and defibrillators.

I have eaten brunch at Tallula Restaurant in Arlington twice recently. Their Brunch Menu includes ten items, ranging from $8 or $9 (French toast, biscuits and gravy, or Taylor Ham and egg sandwich) to $12 (for a burger). Additional sides are $4 and include applewood smoked bacon, buttermilk biscuits with gravy, home fries, toasted brioche bread, creamy cheddar grits, and French fries.
The service was good but a little too attentive on our first visit (2 weeks ago), and rushed and slightly inattentive last weekend, when we think they were really busy and understaffed. Both our waiter and the manager (JB) were very nice, and I enjoyed talking to them when they happened to be at our table.
The space is really nice, and there are stools and a kitchen side counter (although nobody was eating there). Last weekend they tried to seat us in the other room (Eatbar) but they were not offering us an appropriate table for a group of 6, so we waited for a table for 6 to become available in the main room.
The standout of the dishes I sampled was the sour dough french toast
Summerdean apple butter & Vermont maple syrup. The French toast was sweet and fluffy, the apple butter was good, and the three of us who tried the dish, raved about it. The side of applewood smoked bacon was tasty and crispy (stiff), and while it was not hot when served (we ordered it on our first visit when it was not as busy), it was still really enjoyable.
The Taylor Ham egg sandwich includes Taylor Ham, fried egg, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, and comes with home fries. It was tasty. It fell apart while I ate it, but for that, I can take some of the blame. I need to practice eating gooey sandwiches stuff with fillings of a variety of textures. I don’t feel like I have to run back for another order, like I do with the French toast, but it is still worth ordering. The description of the sandwich in the menu doesn’t include ham, which is a humorous oversight.
The Biscuits and Gravy were buttermilk biscuits with smoked bacon & black pepper gravy. It would have been nice it there were chunks of sausage in the gravy, but it was still enjoyable.
The side of grits was a problem since they tasted burned. The kitchen must have burned the pot of grits. The Manager did remove the grits from the menu when we informed him.
They gave us some banana bread on both visits and it is really good, with good flavor and texture. This is another standout.
I definitely want to get back there soon for more French toast, bacon, and banana bread. Oh, and I’d like to try their buttermilk pancake. I realize that last weekend they were really busy, so I won’t hold it against them, especially since some of their food is excellent. You are eating in a pricey restaurant but getting a great value by ordering off of the brunch menu.
Tallulah Restaurant
2761 Washington Boulevard, Arlington
(703) 778-5051

This time we have a bargain without the dive bar/restaurant feel. And, the bartenders were cool and friendly.
McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurant has good and reasonably priced happy hour bar menu. The location I visited in Penn Quarter does have a small bar, so show up early to get a seat. The food was good and you can’t beat the prices into an omelet.

A few of the (8) $1.95 specials include a half pound cheeseburger with fries, grilled chicken Cesar, roasted garlic hummus, or BBQ wings. I mean, seriously, $2.50 for a burger and fries at M&S!
The $3.95 choices are fish tacos, spinach & artichoke dip, seafood cake, and fried calamari.

The $4.95 choices are drunken mussels, tuna kabob, stuffed oysters, and a shrimp wrap with sweet potato fries.
This bar menu is available Monday through Friday 3:30-7:00pm. There is a $2.50 beverage minimum per person.

-JAY