Saturday I crossed final hurdle (aside from actually getting accepted) between me and grad school. I took the GREs. It was a horrendous experience, and left me wound up enough to rival most springs. I needed a stress relief. And being a Baltimorean, there is only one stress relief that would do the trick. I needed to whack crabs.
Baltimore is justifiably famous for its crabs, though the pollution in the Chesapeake Bay means they are now imported from further up north. Nonetheless, crab cakes, crab-shaped hats, and shirts saying “Got Crabs?” (a rather fun slogan, as Baltimore was once the STD capital of the US) can be found in plenty in the touristy areas. Hence, it was little surprise that Saturday night found me at Obrycki’s, a pleasant joint near the waterfront. There presumably are things to order at Obrycki’s other then crabs. However, the only evidence is the menu since every table in site boasts only the world’s finest crustacean.
You order a pound or so. They show up, whole and ready to be smashed. You spend the next hour smashing and crushing and sucking your way through a bucket full, while the crab debris piles up on the table. This is a tasty meal, though not amazingly so. It is a loud meal. But what it mostly is, is a fun meal. You sit around crunching crab bits and scrambling to get out the last bit of meat, while bone and bits go everywhere. By the end of the night I was feeling relaxed and zen. And not the least bit crabby.
Please note: while crab restaurants are fun, I do not recommend you go there on a date, as: 1. you tend to not be a pleasantest good night kiss at the end due to scent and breath 2. Your enthusiasm in smashing the crab may lead your date to worry about your anger management problems, and 3. if the site of you trying to suck the last bit of meat out a crab claw does not turn your date off, the site of them doing this will certainly make you consider other options.

I didn’t have internet at my apartment until this week, so I was relying on wifi hotspots to do my not work-friendly net surfing. The Health Bar is the most convenient to my place, so there I found myself for two weekend brunches.
Saturday.
I came in, it was crowded, and so I sat down at the only free table, which was designed for four. I felt kind of bad, but well, I was hungry, in email withdrawal, and possibly still drunk from the previous night morning revelry. I ordered coffee “Now.” and an omelet “Soon.” The coffee came out quick and hot, but been-in-the-thermos-an-hour hot, not fresh hot. Close enough, but it comes with milk and I had to ask special for, gasp, real cream. As I’m settling in to the coffee and email, two other people sat down with me at my oversized table, and were friendly, which is a nice change from usual around here.
My omelet – with smoked fontina, portabellas, and turkey sausage – was a bit oily and flavorless (I even specified that yes, I wanted whole, real eggs, not nonfat egg substitute), except for the sausage which was good

Here are two Dim Sum suggestions:
My current favorite dim sum place – New Fortune – 16515 S Frederick Ave Gaithersburg (301) 548-888, www.newfortunemd.com. The food’s hot, good service and great variety!
Fortune, (diff owners) at 6249 Arlington Blvd in Falls Church (703) 538-3333, www.fortunerestaurantbanquet.com. is less consistent. I’ve eaten some terrific dim sum here, especially on Chinese New Years, but also some that missed. The Barney-colored decor doesn’t help either. They have another location at 1428 North point Village Center, Reston (703) 318-8898 that I’ve never visited.
-mhf, guest blogger

Pizzeria Paradiso, oh you lovely lovely thing you. amg and zaf have just spent their lunch hunched over laptops at this upstairs, single room, brick-oven house of happiness near Dupont.
The 8-inch version is just enough for a single person to make themselves deliriously full, and you will eat the whole thing. Crusts are thin and fresh, erring on the side of crispy overdone-ness. I had a mine covered in pesto, potatoes, sun dried tomatoes, and parmesan, amg had his with mozzarella, tomatoes, portabella mushrooms, and ground meat of an unspecified but tasty nature. Crust also comes in whole wheat, which was not partaken of.
Average pie will run you about $11. So very tasty.
Pizzeria Paradiso | 2029 P St., NW

An article in today’s New York Times turned my thoughts to the mighty hero, that noble, filling concoction of bread, meat, cheese and sauce that, if done right, can leave you with a heady bliss that lasts clear past lunch and on through the afternoon. The new trend, if you trust the Times (which you should, because they have someone on the hero beat), is multicultural sandwiches, like this:

“It was at Milanes, a modest Dominican storefront restaurant in Chelsea, that I had the chicken sandwich that sent me into orbit. Grecia Milanes, who opened her doors in 1995, strips the flesh and skin from a quarter roasted chicken and fills a Latino-style hero roll, which she toasts in the sandwich press with the meat and skin before layering lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise on the sandwich.
The crispy skin, in combination with the other components, elevate this sandwich to near-mythic status. The sweetness of the mayonnaise, the gamy meatiness of the dark meat chicken and the crispy skin make for the Dominican equivalent of a Peking duck hero.”

That may be worth the $35 Washington Deluxe round-trip fare alone. But can you get a really good blue-collar sandwich down here? Aside from the Subways that seem to be popping up on every corner not already occupied by a Starbucks, the best I can come up with is the Chicken Madness, made by Wisemiller’s Deli of Georgetown.
For $5.45, you get “Mounds of grilled chicken breast, onions, sweet peppers, garlic, hot peppers, bacon and provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise,” all mashed up on the grill and served with a complimentary soda.
Health-related note: If you plan on cutting calories by ordering a Chicken Madness without mayo, don’t. Like the slaves running ahead of the stone blocks with brushes and oil on the way to the Pyramids’ construction site, sometimes big wonders of the world need lubrication. In other words, you can’t comfortably eat a Chicken Madness without the mayo.
Do you have a favorite D.C. sandwich? Tell us in the comments!
Wisemiller’s – 1236 36th Street, NW – (202) 333-8254
* Alternate titles for this post considered for this post but discarded because they bear no relation to heroes include “Spatzle Oddity,” “John, I’m Only Dicing” and “Moonpie Daydream.” I apologize.**
** Upon additional reflection, all three titles mentioned in the above sentence describe things I’ve done recently. Whoa.

Several weeks ago, DCist discussed the best places to eat in Washington, D.C.’s rather mediocre Chinatown. We here at DCFUD have eaten at many of the restaurants in Chinatown, including the fabled Full Kee, and there’s no doubt in our mind. The best chinese inside the D.C. city limits is at Chinatown Express. For $4.95, you get a plate of the best noodles in the city — fried, with chicken or beef, or in soup. And for entertainment you can watch the chef make the noodles out front (see picture at right). Order delicious pork dumplings for an appetizer, and you have a chinese meal that might actually not leave you hungry again in an hour.
And as a special aside, zaf recommends you eat large quantities on the special sauce on the table. It’s in a clear, circular plastic container and looks like oil with green bits floating in it. We have no idea what it is called, but it consists of garlic, chives, and ginger, coated with hot oil and then cooled. The last time the DCFUD team made a visit to Chinatown Express, five of us managed to polish off half the container.
Chinatown Express | 746 Sixth St., NW
Image Courtesy http://www.vilimpoc.org.