The Amish - great farmers, proud people, good mechanics.

When you think about it, it’s been a bad month for Christianity.

The Catholic Church is once again entangled in a pedophilia scandal, this one with connections to the very core of the Vatican. A group of “Christian Warriors” in Michigan has been arrested for plotting domestic terrorism by murdering a police officer and then setting up IEDs along his future funeral procession to kill more cops – something I’m sure Easy-E would be kicking himself for not thinking of 20 years ago.  Because, as all good Christians know, apparently, God’s a big fan of murder. And, against the wishes of millions of God-fearing Believers and the Republican Party, a massive health care reform bill was passed by Congress that will ensure the rise of the Antichrist here in America because the Democrats have done the Devil’s work in helping insure health care for those sick and less-fortunate, a direct contradiction of Jesus’ words in which he said it was God’s will to protect the profit margins of Fortune 500 companies.

I may be paraphrasing that last part.

In his book “Me of Little Faith,” comedian Lewis Black expressed his views on the various religions he’s experienced, from growing up in a diverse Maryland suburb, through college in the Bible Belt in Chapel Hill, NC, and through an adulthood mixed with years of show business struggles and middle-aged successes, experimenting with religions like  a veritable wine sampling of salvation. It’s an entertaining read, and his skeptic’s eye mocks most of what he’s encountered. But he does heap praise on the Amish, mainly for essentially practicing what they preach. They aim for a simple life – hard work and giving glory to the Almighty, and that seems to work for them. They are not obsessed with the iPad – comes out this Saturday, April 3, BTW, if you haven’t heard – but merely keeping a basic, gentler view of life.

And, baking the HELL out some food, too.

The D.C. area is blessed to be but a couple hours away from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and St. Mary’s County, Maryland, both home to sizable Amish populations.  A quick drive to these locations can give us modern “English” – a term used to describe non-Amish – a chance to, well, stop the world. It’s only their chocolate candies that will melt with you, though.

We’re also blessed that the Amish have a pretty wise business acumen. There are several markets in the area that feature multiple Amish vendors, including the recently-relocated-from-Burtonsville Dutch Country Farmer’s Market in Laurel, Maryland. About a 20 minute drive from the District, the new location gives folks in our area a taste of Central Pennsylvania without the traffic of U.S. Route 30, the temptations of Hershey, and the occasional goth-like gloom of a foggy Andrew Wyeth painting.

Fortunately, the Amish markets in Hunt Valley, Annapolis, Germantown, etc… all share some common characteristics: farm-fresh dairy products, including great cheese selections; butchers that offer thick cuts of steaks and chops; baked goods that are hardly Atkins’-friendly; and little family restaurants that serve hearty meals.

In Laurel, there are a few super-star attractions; the freshly-made pretzel logs courtesy of Lydianne’s Soft Pretzels, for example. Filled with either ham, hot dogs, sausage, eggs, steak, chicken and cheese, these little sandwiches are better than anything old Auntie Anne’s serves up. A little salty, but so decadent. If that’s not up your alley, how about an apple cider donut? Fresh corn bread? Black bottom cupcakes? Shoofly pie? Then take a few steps to your left and visit Stotzfus’ Bakery. If you’re avoiding the carbs, check out Yoder’s BBQ, and dig into some barbecued roast beef or baby-back ribs. Prefer to cook yourself? Then snag some vegetables and fruit from Fisher’s. Grab a fresh-fruit smoothie, while you’re there.

But I can not leave the market without one of the newer items from the folks at Yoders Poultry. At the old location in Burtonsville, customers would queue up through the entire market to get some of their fried chicken legs and potato wedges. At the new location, the traffic flow has improved, the lines move faster, and they’ve added boneless, skinless chicken thighs to their fried-food roster. Now, I don’t know how they do it, or what they add to their coating that makes the thighs so much better than the already-fine legs, but they do something. A little extra spicing, a little extra marinade… they get a touch more heat, not quite like a buffalo wing, but more than ordinary chicken. Somehow, this lowly thigh comes out better than any fried chicken I’ve ever had. Fresh from the fryer, sitting in the aluminum foil for 30 minutes, taken out of the fridge and eaten cold a few days later – these thighs are *heavenly.* I love you, Gillian Clark, the woman who made the best fried chicken I’d eaten in the area, and, same to you, gone-but-not-forgotten Gladys Knight and Ron Winan’s Chicken and Waffles in Largo, and even my dear old mom; you folks have both moved down a notch by the humble, awesome Amish.

As it’s currently Passover for our Jewish friends, and Holy Week for our Christian friends, it’s important to note just how much religion affects our eating habits. Be it the avoidance of pork for the kosher and halal, not eating meat on Fridays, or viewing the cow as a sacred animal, religion has shaped what we eat and how we eat it for centuries. To the Amish, working hard in the kitchen is as vital as working hard in the fields or in the craft shops, and I, for one, find their practice of feeding the masses with their bounty a very tolerable, peaceful custom.

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The Google/Topeka Maps link in the story shows many of the Amish markets in the immediate region. Note that they are usually only open on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturday mornings. Some markets, like Annapolis and Hunt Valley, have large parking lots, while others like Germantown and Laurel, have smaller lots, and parking can be an issue on Friday nights and Saturdays around noon. Also, remember the Amish like simplicity, so, bring cash, as ATMs and credit cards aren’t accepted by every vendor at these markets.  And wear stretchy clothing, because you’re gonna eat.

– Ray