Video gamers of a certain vintage remember the thrill of playing “Duke Nukem 3D” back in the mid-Nineties. Aliens have invaded Los Angeles, and, as Duke, your job is to kill every single pixilated alien and mutant in town. Duke was based not-too-loosely on Bruce Campbell’s “Ash” in the Evil Dead movies, and various lines from the movies appeared in the game. The game was respected in that genre for its varied scenery and backgrounds, its goofy sense of humor, and the implementation of strategy and stealth rather than just a quick trigger finger.
Like anything else that becomes successful in Los Angeles, a sequel was planned. 3D Realms, Duke’s programmers, announced in 1997 that “Duke Nukem Forever” would come out in the next year. The video game trade magazines fought for exclusive looks at the highly-anticipated game. Fanboys debated the pros and cons of various graphics technologies the game would incorporate. Players salivated over screen shots and game trailers like Atkins’ Dieters at a steakhouse.
In the past ten years, Duke Nukem Forever has been delayed more than a smoking Green Line train. Countless technology changes, programmers coming and going, different publishing houses getting involved, and, by 2007, there’s still no playable, purchasable Duke Nukem Forever. The official stance is that the game will come out “when it’s done;” this, in an industry where other companies like Electronic Arts can turn out new versions of Madden football and Tiger Woods golf every year.
Over in nearby Merrifield, Virginia, there’s a restaurant version of “Duke Nukem Forever.” Dad’s Backyard Burgers, located by Pilin Thai and ZPizza on Gallows Road has been tempting burger lovers for a couple of years with its signs declaring that Dad will be coming soon.
Apparently, we are the collective Telemachus while Dad Odysseus is off fighting the Trojans. Logic would dictate that if folks like Roberto Donna and Jose’ Andres can open new restaurants and relocate existing ones in a matter of months, surely a simple burger joint in the `burbs shouldn’t take more than a few weeks to open, right?
Who are the Trojans keeping Dad adrift? Or did Dad’s visit to Circe result in a cannibalistic, yet unlimited supply of bacon cheeseburgers? The folks on Chowhound found this plan by the Virginia DOT to redo that busy intersection at Gallows and Lee Highway, effectively putting an access road through the middle of the fry vat. Still, just because V-DOT has a plan for those roads, that hasn’t stopped other businesses in the affected strip (Carvel, 7-11, Pizza Hut, plus the others previously mentioned) from operating. Perhaps Dad’s business name was a little too close for comfort for the folks at Backyard Burgers.
I drive by that intersection about once a month, and every once in a while, there’s a little slice of activity at Dad’s. The brown paper that had covered the windows was pulled back, exposing a few small tables and home-style wallpaper. The cash registers look brand new, and blueprints rest on the counter, and other than some finishing work, the place looks like it could open in a couple of days. But the Help Wanted sign offers a phone number that has been disconnected, and no forwarding number is provided.
Hopefully the folks behind Dad’s Backyard Burgers will see this, plus the threads on Chowhound, and let us know their side of the story.
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06Sep
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21Aug
This week focused on salads, mushrooms, and vinaigrettes, which was great because up until this class I was proud of myself if I mixed my own Caesar salad rather than buy it in a bag. I could never figure out why my own made-up salads didn’t turn out well, but I didn’t care very much. I was salad-challenged.
I took that class six days ago, and since then I have eaten the following salad three times:
Panzanella, Or Italian Tomato Bread Salad
Chop up half a shallot and put in in the blender. Pour in a few glugs of sherry vinegar, and then turn on the blender. Then and only then, use the little hole in the top to sloooowly pour in about two to three times as much oil as you did vinegar, as the blender is still on….it should take you at least thirty seconds to add the oil if you’re doing it slowly enough. I used extra-virgin olive oil, basil-flavored olive oil, and then some canola so the olive taste wouldn’t take over.
That makes one ugly vinaigrette, so cheer it up a little bit by tossing in a slice or two of tomato. I used red heirloom tomatoes and they were perfect, but when I went to Whole Foods for more tomatoes (it’s an obsession) they were like $6.00 a pound, so I bought vine-ripened instead and they were lovely, too.
Rip up a few pieces of tough bread per person (I used a crusty baguette), and chop up another tomato (or two or three) into bite-sized pieces. Mix them together in a serving bowl, and pour the vinagrette over it, tossing as you go. Don’t soak the bread–just get it damp. If you didn’t use basil-flavored olive oil (and even if you did), slice up some basil leaves and stir them in. Finish with crumbled parmesan, and serve over spinach leaves. - 20Aug
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17Aug
In the US we tend not to eat much in the way of extremely bitter foods – grapefruit and endive are about as bitter as we go. Despite this, I love bitter foods, and I’d long wondered about the things at the farmers market – the strange ones with bizarrely textured, bright green skin. So today I asked the girl at one stall how one might cook a bitter melon. Her response: “However you want…I usually stir-fry them or boil and mash them. They’re so tasty!” It turns out that they’re really good for you too – perhaps helping to regulate digestion and improving blood sugar control.
Mission in mind, I returned home with three medium-sized ones, deciding to go the mashed route, as I also had a sweet potato and I wondered if they might play well together. With some helpers along for the ride, they did:
I put my sweet potato into the oven for baking; since I’m currently without a microwave, I have to do things the slow way. I washed and cut the melons in half, scooped out the seeds (which I’ve since been told are good to eat too, but I wasn’t sure, and they seemed rather crunchy for a mash), and cut the flesh into inch-wide bits. I put them in a pot of broth to boil.
After a few minutes (maybe seven or so), the melon smelled so good, I thought it would be a waste to boil all of that flavor away, and an idea popped into my head. I got out my frying pan and added some bacon. Bacon half-cooked, I moved the melon from pot to pan and sautéed the lot till the melon was mostly soft(ish), adding hot pepper flakes and Vegeta when I felt like it.
By this time my potato was baked, so I removed the peel, added a touch of olive oil and mashed it up. Then, I mashed up my melon and mixed it into the potato, stirring the bacon (now crisp and in pretty small pieces) on top. The bacon was, I think, key – its earthiness really unified the sweet and bitter flavors.
The results were quite tasty, and though more tweaking will be necessary before I think this dish is “complete,” I wanted to share it and see what other folks have done with this funny little fruit. -
09Aug
So class last night focused on vegetables: specifically which kinds stand up best in which preparation. The preparations we practiced were:
Confit – tiny pieces cooked very slowly in a good amount of fat. Surprisingly, red cabbage prepared this way (with some granny smith apple bits) is absolutely luscious. (If my parents are reading this, they just laughed out loud at the idea of me liking red cabbage, because when I was two I flung red cabbage across a crowded restaurant. It was the start of my career being particular about what I ate, and also of being a little dramatic.)
Roasting – You know what this is: cooked in an oven, maybe with a little fat to prevent overdrying. Brings out the sweetness and softens veggies.
Braising – browned on the stove with oil and/or butter, then deglazed (scrape the pan with some wine) and cooked in a little liquid (like chicken stock) in the oven until tender. Surprisingly easy and gorgeous with fennel or squash. Add balsamic and honey to balance the flavors.
Carmelizing – used on onions, mostly. First, sweat them on low heat until soft, not allowing them to brown. Once they are completely soft, add some wine, deglaze, and turn up the heat so that they brown evenly.
Blanching – boiling briefly in salted water to season and seal in the color, then plunging into an ice bath to prevent mushiness. (I first became aware of this as the “shock and awe” method.) Also good for loosening skins without actually cooking the vegetable, like for tomatoes.
Gratinee – blanched, then stirred into a bechamel with grainy mustard and a little cheese. Contrary to what I figured before, gratinee does not mean “drowned in cheese;” it means “browned.” The browning comes from baking until bubbly, and maybe passing it under the broiler for a minute. (I’m not entirely sure how this even counts as a vegetable.) Our instructor did this with cauliflower last night, and it was sumptuous. I’ll be making that again this weekend. -
05Aug
When one realizes that one’s reputation as a gastronaut and a chef has begun to outstrip one’s actual abilities, one would do well to enroll in L’Academie de Cuisine’s 20-week semi-professional program. Culinary Techniques 101, which is offered twice a year, focuses on learning to cook without recipes; instead, learning the techniques and thought processes that one needs to become a creative chef. I’ll be updating occasionally with what I’ve learned from each session.
Week 3 focuses on soups, and because it is too hot to talk about butternut squash soup with maple, sage, and bacon (wait till October, and remind me if I forget), I’ll now share with you how to make a gorgeous white gazpacho, which is a much better summertime dish. My instructor shared with us the list of ingredients, and I looked at epicurious.com for the approximate proportions, but didn’t really measure anything, so please don’t take the measurements as gospel.
White Gazpacho
half a stale baguette, ripped into bite-sized pieces
1 cups ice water
2 cups chicken stock
handful sliced almonds
2 cloves garlic
3/4 pound seedless green grapes
3 tablespoons white wine vinegar
3/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
several healthy shakes of Tabasco
1/2 cucumber, peeled, seeded and diced
6 oz sour cream (do not use fat-free; that stuff is revolting.)
Put this all in a blender and whirl it around. My blender wouldn’t fit it all, so I put half the stuff in with the stock and half with the water, and stirred it up together in a big bowl afterwards. I now have enough gazpacho to last me through the week, unless someone else finds it in the fridge and snarfs it down first.
(The author started this entry with a rather grand tone involving what “one” ought to do, and ended with “snarf.” She finds herself so entertaining.) -
03Aug
How strange that an innocent trip to the Twin Cities this past weekend would be bracketed by two of the bigger news stories of the year.
A simple two-day mini-vacation to see some old friends in Minneapolis and get some good food seemed like a grand idea, and the affordable direct flights to Minnesota courtesy of Northwest Airlines would be a fine way to spend as much time away from D.C. as possible. That is, until Northwest and its pilots decided to come to loggerheads over work schedules the very weekend I would depend on them for transportation. As the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport is Northwest’s major international hub, local and cable news crews descended on passengers stuck in the expansive facility, trying to capture the mess as flights were cancelled like bad sitcoms on the WB.
Once in Minneapolis, I was whisked away to the Mall of America. Apparently it’s illegal to visit the Twin Cities without going to this overgrown tribute to America’s love of commerce and indoor theme parks. For those who have never been to the MOA, it’s basically both Arundel and Potomac Mills combined after hanging out with Barry Bonds’ trainer. The Mall changes stores like Sean Combs changes stage names, so while I missed the awesome hot sauce store that was there on my first visit in 1999, I didn’t mind seeing the P.B. Loco Cafe’ and its selection of peanut butters, ranging from the sweet Raspberry White Chocolate to the spicy Asian Curry, take its place. Waffles served with maple/peanut butter sauce…smoothies packed with fruit, chocolate and incredibly delicious peanut butter…yeah, that place could be dangerous if they opened up a location in D.C.
One place I had to try was J.D. Hoyt’s, a casual steakhouse in Minneapolis’ Warehouse District, just a few blocks from downtown. The place is nice, though very unassuming. It reminded me of Baltimore’s late McCafferty’s in the Mount Washington neighborhood, though this place appears to pay its bills. Pictures of the owners, famous guests and happy people dining on steaks the size of pizzas adorn the walls. J.D. Hoyt’s is known for their pork chops, ribs and steaks, and the intoxicating mix of Cajun spices and meats from the kitchen made it tough to choose just one entree’. Service as provided by Roberta (though call her Bobby, remember, this place is unassuming) was smooth, efficient and friendly. And, I was pleasantly surprised when a “small” sampler platter of prime rib, baby back ribs and spiced pork chop arrived. Important to note – this “half” rack was the size of a full rack; the prime rib was baked and then lightly seared to temperature, and the pork chop was nearly a pound of fresh-from-the-farm carnivorous pleasure. The meal was solid – the prime rib was not as good as you’d expect from a true high-end steak house, but definitely right for the price. The pork ribs and chops, however, were just about perfect.
The friendliness of the Minnesotans was shocking. Talk flowed freely between tables and the few folks at the bar didn’t remain strangers for long. Most conversation revolved around the groundbreaking for the new Twins baseball stadium, just a couple blocks away from J.D. Hoyt’s, which was scheduled for this week. Kevin Garnett, the Minnesota Timberwolves star player, had not yet been traded to the Boston Celtics, but the rumors were flying. The chef came out to talk to each table, Bobbi gave me dining and tourism tips, folks at another table asked me for dining and tourism advice in D.C. During the night, a small group of young men came in to toast their Army buddy, just scant days away from being called to active duty in Iraq. People who had just met moments ago bought drinks for the young man, barely 21 years old, and though it was clear some patrons didn’t support the war, they all supported their soldier.
So while I was saddened to find out tragedy struck Minneapolis soon after I left, I wasn’t surprised to hear stories of heroic actions by folks caught up in mess of tangled vehicles and bridge, tending to those less fortunate. Of people rushing from the shore to help those who might be trapped under steel and concrete. Of prayer circles and support centers for those who may have lost somebody in the Mississippi River.
I drove across that bridge on Monday. -
28Jul
For me, a good coffee shop or sidewalk café is key to living happily: a comfortable spot to get caffeinated, to read, work, and meet people, preferably with good (by which I mean impressively bad) art-for-sale on the walls and enough traffic (inside and out) for good people watching. New Orleans’ Café du Monde is pretty much the ultimate example in my mind, though DC’s L’Enfant does pretty well. Atlanta’s café selection is, unfortunately, a study in disunity.
The coffee at San Francisco Coffee Roasting Co. in Virginia Highlands is really good – rich, hot, and not all burned like it’s been there too long or has been over-roasted to generic Starbucksness – but that thing on my plate was not a scone, by any definition. It was a biscuit which, in addition to overcooking it, someone has shoved a great deal of refined sugar and a small handful of sulfury currants. It’s mostly too dark in the large, otherwise comfortable shop to read happily, but the jazz standards, while uninspired and generic, are piped in at a volume which allows enjoyment but does not interfere with conversation. The patio out back is small and fine enough, except the view is of a parking lot. My large iced coffee was about $2.00.
Decatur’s Java Monkey has a few comfy chairs, some slightly awkward bar and counter seating, and lots of tables that could do with some de-wobblifying. It also has the nicest patio of anyplace I’ve been down here. The coffee’s pretty good – all fair-trade and often organic for those in to such things – and the food is on the better side, with tasty paninis and fair hummus and tapenade. They also have wine and beer, which helps. The people-watching is pretty good here, as is the eavesdropping. The downside, which keeps me from Java Monkey rather more than I’d like, is that every night seems to be open mic night.
I’m all for supporting local artists and such, but there is only so amateur slam poetry one’s mind can handle. The same would go, I suppose, for professional slam poetry, should such a horror exist. Plus, open mic night is LOUD: it’s not the cheering or the moderate extra crowd, but the bloody mic is turned up all the way and the performers (especially, but not exclusively, the slam poets) tend to shout. This makes working, reading, and often conversing rather impossible.
Outwrite has geography, and books. The coffee is atrocious, but the tea is pretty good and enough sugar makes the espresso passable, so it’s easy to maintain your buzz while watching the scenery strut down 10th street. Seating is limited inside, but enough of the patrons are sufficiently friendly that sharing tables is a norm, which is helpful not only in comfort but also in learning all about that hot blonde walking by on the arm of a much older (and…homelier…) gentle(?)man. Sadly, outdoor seating is a no-go: the ‘patio’ is a nine-by-four-foot deck occupied by dedicated smokers and those willing to shout over the too-loud music. Inside, the music isn’t too loud, but it is often crap. -
21Jul
My grandmothers are all very picky eaters, but in very different ways. My mother’s mother has a long list of allergies and other diet-limiting conditions, so no one can blame her. My paternal grandmother, who lives here in DC and eats dinner with my parents (and often me) most Sundays, on the other hand, simply does not like vegetables.
She’ll eat lettuce, carrots, cooked onions, asparagus and the occasional eggplant, but that’s about it. This makes cooking a healthy and delicious meal rather a challenge on Sunday nights, and has inspired not only our creative efforts but also, in the case of this dish, our subversive humors.
You see, the vegetable that my paternal grandmother hates more than anything is squash. Yellow, green, pumpkin, or zucchini, she will at any restaurant return any dish served to her with squash anywhere on it. The thing is, my mom and I love the stuff. So, we sometimes find ways to sneak it in to dishes anyway.
Like this (adjust all proportions to taste):
4 lbs. fresh red snapper
3 large yellow onions
1.5 cups whole green olives, chopped in thirds
3 28 oz cans of diced tomatoes, drained (can use fresh as well)\
1 3.5 oz jar of capers
½ a yellow squash, chopped very fine (to hide)
1-2 tbs coarsely ground black pepper
1 tbs red pepper flakes
½ tsp. chopped garlic
Feta cheese
Olive oil
Chop and sautee onions in oil with the garlic and some salt.
Once the onions are soft, dump in the tomatoes, capers, squash, pepper and salt (to taste), cover and simmer 10-15 mins until the squash is done.
Salt and pepper the fish.
Ladle some of this sauce into a glass baking pan, lay the fish over it, and cover in the rest of the sauce. Top with about 8 oz. crumbled feta, and bake at 350 until done – 30-40 minutes.
Serve with a good, hearty bread or over rice. -
18Jul
Where will you be Wednesday night? At the Squishable.com launch party.
What’s a squishable, you ask? It’s a huge, fuzzy, squishable stuffed animal.
Why are we telling you this? Because we’re blatantly advertising them, that’s why. Haven’t you figured this out already?
Check out www.squishable.com to pick out your favorite squishable. (We’ll even deliver it to you at the launch party!)
Then come out Wednesday night to celebrate to launch of the new site. Uber-cool DJs Natalya and Melissa (Hej Hej), Your Favourite Asian, DJ Yum Yum (Crap DC) will be on hand spinning really good tunes. So join us at Felix, at 2406 18th St NW, 9 p.m. on Wednesday, June 18th.
Of course, you don’t have a buy a squishable to come to the launch party. In fact, we’ll have a bunch of them on hand if you’d rather just come by and hug one. Otherwise, you’re welcome to order one and we’ll deliver it to you Wednesday!
More adorable Squishable pictures after the jump.
See everyone Wednesday night.
