When I dream of Brazil, which is often, I think of deep fried pastries, thick bean stew, and gorgeous dark-haired chicks in the type of clothing I’d reserve for a FUD edible body-topping test (volunteers?). So it’s unfortunate that when Churrascaria of Rockville dreams about Brazil, they think of lumps of meat heated up till they turn brown.
A large dining room, where the décor can only be described as ‘eighties yacht club’, is the scene for this culinary oddity. For a surprisingly high price, each overawed soccer family and aging tourist gets all they can eat Braziliana: A large, lackluster buffet of cold pasta salad, canned corn, and dubious shellfish, and a hot one with traditional Brazilian fare like ‘lasagna’ and ‘oily chicken’.
But that’s alright because the real point of this meal is Meat Lumps. They’re carried on long spits, three at a time or as whole steaks skewered through the middle. It floats by on barges, servers at the ready with knife and fork. Some of it is very nice. But the vast majority I found fatty, rubbery, and overcooked. A piece of wood painted red and green sits at each table. Green means bring on the roast beef, lamb kabab, and ribs, red means for the love of god, don’t.
Every once in a while, conversation stops so that the servers can sing happy birthday to a giggling Midwesterner. It’s that kind of restaurant, the kind that’s only one step away from the deadly ‘hi my name is Jen and I’ll be your server tonight’. I highly recommend it if you have an aging aunt from Minnesota. She’s sure to say things like ‘cute’ and ‘exotic’. Otherwise, I’m still at a loss to figure this place out at all.
Greenfield Churrascaria
1801 Rockville Pike
301 8813397
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14Mar
7 Responses
Friends have had luck with a similar joint in NoVa, and I hear good things about Fogo de Chao. My only Churrascaria experience was in Manhattan, though, so I can’t really weigh in.
I’m from Minneapolis, and the only resturant I’ve ever been to where someone says I’m X, and I’ll be your server tonight’ are national chains, and I don’t even eat at those.
Have you ever been to Minneapolis, or are you elaborating on a stereotype?
Actually, I was blatantly stereotyping, but I am willing to believe that many Minneapolitans have an excellent food sense. Especially’ cause I’m not even exactly sure where it is.
ok well, I wouldn’t have a problem if you mock things you know about, as most of the humour here seems to be. But instead of riding ignorant stereotypes, take out a map, read up on some things and educate yourself. The whole world doesn’t revolve around the east coast and Los Angeles.
I totally agree. It revolves around Bangkok (or should).
This Week in DC Reviews – March 17, 2006
Periodically, we will publish This Week in DC Reviews, a roundup of reviews of DC-area restaurants, with quick links to DC-area restaurant reviews and mentions from the previous seven days in blogs, magazines, and newspapers. This weeks TWIR is lighter…
The execution at this place may have been poor, and it sounds like they weren’t even using very good meat, but I’m not sure what exactly there is to “figure out” about a churrascaria. It really is a traditional type of Brazilian restaurant, and they’ve been around in the U.S. for well over a decade (the first time I went to one was in Cambridge, MA in the early ’90s). If you’re a hardcore carnivore, and the place knows what its doing, this can be an incredible meal.
Whether it’s worth $40 a head, that’s another question entirely . . .